Forget the Silver Tsunami: It's One Family at a Time

Every few years, someone in the real estate industry sounds the alarm about the Silver Tsunami. Millions of boomers selling all at once. Homes flooding the market. Prices washing out.

I’m a Floridian. I know this drill. In hurricane-speak, you buy the water, put up the shutters, drag the patio furniture inside, and watch the cone turn out to sea or fall apart at the last minute.

Ten years of Silver Tsunami forecasts, and I haven’t needed to prepare for it yet. Instead, I don’t see a wave; I see a trickle. One house, one parent, one conversation at a time.

Years ago, I met with two adult children who were moving their mother out of her Bradenton home and to an assisted living facility near one of them. They sat down at the dining room table with me to get started. Their mother wasn’t invited to the table. I looked into the family room to see her in her chair, arms crossed, wearing the biggest grimace I’d ever seen.

I excused myself and went to talk with her. She told me the kids were taking over, and she didn’t have a say. I smiled and told her this was her house, and she needed to be at the table with us and involved in our discussions. She stood up, took both my hands, and said thank you.

By the end of that conversation, she’d also come around on assisted living. New friends, lunch outings, games, manicures. Not a bad deal.

Her kids meant well. They just forgot the most important person in the room was in the next room.

I’ve seen it from the other direction, too. My own parents thought they were being smart. They could handle it themselves, so they didn’t include us. They had been downsizing in steps for years. Finally, they decided to move to Bradenton and into assisted living. Because they weren’t in the state, I had to find the facility, while my brothers got them down here. I sent them detailed emails to show them everything so they would be good with it. Luckily, they made the decision early enough and were OK with it (but not much more than that).

I learned something very valuable: Leaving parents out doesn’t work. Leaving the kids out doesn’t either. It works best when everyone’s at the table. For me, I keep the conversation calm and on point – kind of the voice of reason which is much easier when you don’t have a dog in the fight.

And the best time to have this conversation is while Mom and Dad are still sharp enough to lead it. Wait until dementia is more pronounced, or until they’re too frail to handle it, and the move turns into confusion and fear for everyone. Decisions are made for them instead of with them.

It also takes an agent who knows when to slow down. These aren’t just listings. They’re 40 years of holidays, a garden someone planted, and a house full of things that each have a story. The process should be as gentle as possible, for the parents and for the kids.

And if the family hasn’t already talked to an attorney, now is the time. Wills, powers of attorney, and healthcare decisions are much easier to handle while everyone can still sign their own names.

I’m over 60 now. My husband and I are still young enough to handle things ourselves, but these are the things I think about lying awake at night. And I know I’m not the only one.

Same as hurricane season. The families who plan ahead come through it best…even if nothing happens.

Just sayin’.